Life is full of surprises sometimes.
Today, I decided to sit down at the laptop and get back into the old Charlie Tonic groove as it’s been far too long since I posted. As I write this, I’m feeling a bit more direct, a bit more honest and I find myself wanting to blog about my life a little. I’ll be specific where I can and vague where needed. You know the drill of putting yourself out there. Sometimes you can, sometimes you have to be respectful and sometimes you can allow yourself to be mercilessly raw. I’m thinking now is the right moment to be a bit of all of the above.
For this post I decided to write about a topic I’m becoming all too familiar with in my life. Change. Constant change.
As you may have noticed from Ginny Tonic’s post yesterday, there have been some rough waters coursing through our collective lives here at the show. It’s all a story we might one day tell, but those waters are still being charted and for now it’s just hints, the occasional rumor and a growing, minor mythology circling my life that I find perplexing at times. As Lou Reed said in a song once, “don’t believe half of what you see and none of what you hear” or quite possibly a better quote from that same song “it’s like what my painter friend Donald said to me, stick a fork in their ass and turn them over, they’re done”. For me, I prefer to find a way to smile, to laugh and to seek out a stiff drink with a beautiful woman on a great new balcony as I reflect on the events of the past six weeks. That though, as I said, is a story for another time.
For today though I look back on a little over half a year ago as I gave up a day job which I held for 18 years and had achieved a position of authority and respect. I decided to take a chance on something different and leave that world so I could chart my own life on my own terms. We talked about it with excitement here on the show and celebrated the possibilities of a life lived a little bit different. Over the last year, my life was one where I discovered new relationships, new friends and a bold new direction. I was tired of the work I had been doing and in many ways I would say the work was a bit tired of me. Life needed a redefinition and I thought I had just the dictionary prepared to rewrite that story. Along the way, I joined a new company, settled into that new life and made commitments that I thought would carry me through the next chapter of this story. I thought I knew where it was all headed. I thought I knew what I could believe in. Sometimes though, change happens and life just has a way of laughing at your plans and dropping you onto a new path. For me, as I stand on the eve of my 43rd birthday, that is where I find myself.
This new path now has me stumbling past the belief that you can find your own way in life outside the expectations of society. I now look for a career that can hold me while I evolve and build Derby City Comic Con, a show that I’ve already come to love and see as the realization of a life long dream. Despite all this change, the Charlie Tonic Hour survives and Ginny Tonic and I are finding our feet on the show once again. Some friends have hung on for the new adventure and some have faded by their own choice. I don’t judge, but I will those who have faded are missed.
Today, I find myself accepting all this as I settle into a new apartment that is working its way toward a musical beat filled with laughter rather than tears. It’s a long journey ahead, but change is something I’m starting to come to accept in my life. Many have asked me about Pandoracon. I plan to attend and help with the show, but my role will be more limited than I originally expected. It will most likely also be my final show with Pandora Promotions as a partner in the company. Derby City Comic Con will take place in 2013 under the new company Derby City Comic Con LLC and I will begin charting that show’s growth with the help of a few very dedicated friends, family and an army of amazing volunteers.
I won’t lie. The next few months are going to be scary but I am very thankful for the true friends who have emerged and returned to my side through all of this. In that respect, I am more lucky than I can say. I feel that I will come out of all of this a better man for the experience and in the end is there anything more that we can ask for from life when it changes? All this has been jarring, but it doesn’t have to be bad. Sometimes you may not ask for it, but sometimes you still have to find a way to embrace it and that’s what I’m trying to do.
So in the end, how’s my life? I sincerely hope it’s starting to evolve into something better. Time will tell.